Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Good News for a Change

If you want to change your outer life, you must change your inner life first. –GabrielleBernstein

It doesn’t feel real, so I’m a little afraid to say it out loud in the Internet sense.  But the word is in from my oncologist: yes, there are still scans to do, potential radiation side effects, and the real possibility of relapse.  But right now? 
I’m in remission.

Holy crap.
Just like when I was diagnosed, the idea of remission doesn’t feel real.  It hasn’t hit me yet and so I don’t know whether to laugh or cry or do my Snoopy-like happy dance or some combination of the above.  And just like when I finished radiation, I get to celebrate this milestone at a family wedding—my cousin Joey and his beloved Kim, this Saturday in Raleigh.  What better way to have good news than to enjoy it with people you love and who love you?

It would be way too easy to sweep this under the rug and worry about the dark side of what this means.  I feel like when I was sick, I didn’t have anywhere farther to fall, so more bad news didn’t really bother me that much.  Now something good has happened, and I’ll have something to lose, a good place to fall down from. 

Just for this weekend, though, I’m going to put worry out of my mind.  I’m going to enjoy my car ride through the mountains, buy some cider or other kitschy tourist items, enjoy a wedding with the Minicks and my mother, and be grateful that I have friends who care when I get good news like this.

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